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Mr Jigga man

I went to Wireless Festival!!!!
This was my first ever festival so I was so excited. I even goggled festival attire so I could look the part. I ended up wearing shorts (not the booty ones, I don't think the shorts would survive) an Aztec top, converse. Tried to find feathers but I think Fergie ate them so wore a flower instead. When I arrived at Aleta's, why was she wearing the same outfit?

I have never seen so many butt cheeks hanging out, not even on a beach. My goodness. Some girls were even wearing heels to a festival!

I had so much fun though. Got given free drinks from Malibu and extra nachos from the guy serving because of my winning smile. I think Saturday was the hottest day of the year, I dunno what we were thinking going from 11am.

Black people are crazy. No seriously, I was ashamed. They were pushing people out of the way, grown, fat men. When Jay Z came on, they started barging through as if being at the front Jay Z was going to spot them, guess they had rapping skills and sign them. We had an okay spot. I did say lets go to the main stage during Emeli Sandy's performance but they all wanted to listen to Calvin Harris. The walk from one stage to the next was intense. They spread them out way too far in the Olympic Park so by the time we got there, she had finished performing. When Jay Z was coming, these group of friends tried to push in front. One fat girl was literally putting her body weight on me. I had to tell her to move. Seriously, if they wanted a better spot, get there earlier. Some next tall white guy came and stood in front of me claiming he was looking for his friends. Yet when the next song came on, he was dancing away. Told him to move. Made friends with these guys so when any girls got up on someones shoulders, I made them tell them to get down. THEN some next girl came all resting on me. Trying to push through. By now me, Aleta and this guy switched on her. She said, 'I can't find my boyfriend, I'm by myself. I'm not trying to be a dickhead.' I thought clearly your man ain't looking for you and how did she really intend to find him? I told her she needs to sort out her approach, you putting your sweaty body on me ain't gonna make me move. THEN some next Asian guy came and was trying to lean on me. I lost at this point. Honestly, all day people have been so rude. I told him to move away from me and everyone around me, ganged up on him and refused to let him through. Brilliant! I punched another guy in the stomach because he tried to lean on me (it was a reflex) and informed a fat girl, just because she was fat, she can't use that to push people out the way.

The acts were really good. Kendrick Lamar - now a very big fan. Iggy Azelia -dunno if I spelt that right was booty popping on the floor. I have no words. She's a white Aussie girl with a New York Accent that kinda looks like Nicki Minaj. Confused.

Jay z was incredible! I wish I knew his new songs though. He did this section where he was rapping all the Beyoncé songs so I thought obviously Queen B is coming out. She didn't.
Then he did Run this Town so I thought Rihanna was coming out. She didn't. Then he did his new song with Justin Timberlake and he came out! He looked like he just woke up but he sang so good. Then Jay Z was like this is my last song, then he walked off but the band was still playing so I thought oh he'll come back out with Kanye. He didn't! All we heard was this tannoy say 'The last train is at blah blah.' Everyone started booing and chanting Jay Z and he didn't come back. He was meant to be there from 9.30pm-11pm but he left at 10.40. Err £65 ticket babe. The tannoy came back on and reminded people it was the last trains. So everyone reluctantly started leaving, they closed all the exits and Westfields closed up so it took us ages to leave.

I have no idea why it took us 2 hours to walk from Stratford to Leytonstone where our cars were. That's a mystery in itself.


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